‘AITA for not letting my ex be present during gynecological exam that confirmed my miscarriage?’

In relationships, even those that have ended, navigating shared trauma can bring up difficult emotions and unspoken expectations.

This seems to be pretty much the case with one Reddit user. For the woman in her late 20s, a breakup with her ex turned into an emotional labyrinth after an unplanned pregnancy and a devastating miscarriage tested their already fragile connection. She revealed her emotional turmoil in the 'Am I the A**hole' forum under the post titled, "AITA for not letting my ex be present during the gynecological exam that confirmed my miscarriage?"

Abandoned in a moment of need

"My ex and I had a complicated on-and-off relationship," the woman explained.

"Then, after we had broken up again, I found out I was pregnant. I told him, even though I knew our relationship was over," she added.

While he initially encouraged her to have an abortion, "after weeks of difficult conversations" he agreed to become a co-parent after the woman decided she would keep the baby.

However, their relationship was fraught with emotional wounds. "He expressed doubts about my ability to be a good mother and even said something that haunts me to this day—that an 'accident' ending it all might be easier," she wrote.

When she began experiencing signs of a miscarriage, she reached out to him, desperate for support.

"I was terrified and asked for his presence, as he promised he'd be there in case of a miscarriage. But he said he couldn’t come because he didn’t have access to a car," the OP said.

Though they stayed in touch via text, she spent the night alone, scared and in pain.

The next day, he urged her to go to the hospital, promising to meet her there. When he arrived, she made a decision that changed everything.

"I decided to ask him to stay in the waiting room during the gynecological exam. It was an incredibly vulnerable moment for me, both physically and emotionally," she shared. "I felt I needed privacy to process the results before sharing them with him," the OP added.

Woman reflects on excluding ex from miscarriage news

However, the woman's instincts told her the worst. "At that moment, I knew deep inside that I had lost the baby," she said.

Given their strained dynamic and the hurtful things he had said, she felt it was best to face the news alone.

Her ex, however, saw things differently. "He was upset, saying that I excluded him and disrespected his role as the father," she recounted.

After the hospital visit, his support evaporated: "He didn’t check in on me for several days. I mourned alone."

When he eventually came over, their final interaction was as complicated as their relationship had always been. "I cried heavily, and just before leaving, he passionately kissed me goodbye, left, and cut off all contact," she wrote.

The woman grappled with her decision. "At the time, I was just trying to protect my mental health and cope in the best way I could," she reflected.

"Yet he doesn't understand my decision and said he'd resent me his whole life for this. I never intended to hurt him," she added.

"So, AITA for setting that boundary during that vulnerable moment," the OP questioned.

Reddit backs woman for excluding ex from miscarriage news

The woman found support on the forum. Reddit users declared her the NTA for excluding her ex from such a pivotal and shared moment.

One user shared, "NTA It was happening to you and it was a medical appointment, you don’t need to let anyone in if you’re uncomfortable."

Another wrote, "He had no right to be in the room and tbh, the thought of asking to attend my partner's gynecological appointment would never cross my mind."

A different viewer pointed out, "NTA. He is. He told you you would be a bad mother and fantasized about you dying. Then claimed “rights” as a father over a miscarriage. What a horrible and abusive man. If/when he tries to contact you do not start up with him again. There will be a man worthy of you in your future."

A follower commented, "NTA CUT ALL CONTACT WITH THIS GUY IMMEDIATELY."

One individual stated, "I completely agree. This guy has shown a lack of respect and empathy for you, especially with his hurtful comments and actions. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life. Cutting all contact sounds like the best move for your emotional well-being. You deserve support, not resentment or manipulation. Stay strong and prioritize yourself!"

Another individual observed, "NTA he was a pos..I don't have access to a car isn't an exscuse. You take a bus, can, uber, you call every family member and friend you know to get a ride because it's an emergency! That exam wasn't about him, or even the baby. It was you as a patient. Maybe if he'd been more of a stand up guy and shown actual genuine care for YOU, you could have trusted him to be there in that vulnerable moment. Nothing about that was about him, yet he still tried to make it about himself. Gross." 

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