'AITA for reconsidering after my fiance said he will send his disabled son to care home after marriage?'

A bride-to-be’s plans for a blissful future hit a roadblock when her fiance, Eric, revealed an unexpected decision: he plans to move his disabled son, Brian, into a care home after they marry.

The revelation made on Reddit's "Am I the A*****e" (AITA) forum has left her grappling with doubts about their future together as she mentioned, "he has 3 children, one of which is disabled since birth. His mother left early and Eric has been caring for him ever since. His name is Brian."

Bride-to-be concerned over fiance's intention to 'rearrange the family dynamic'

"Eric told me he’s planning on moving Brian to a care home after we get married. I was shocked," the Redditor shared.

Eric’s vague explanation that the decision was for "personal reasons" and to "rearrange the family dynamic" only deepened her concern.

Brian, who has been disabled since birth, has been under Eric’s sole care since his mother left the family.

She noted she even "tried to get him to explain why because I found his decision unbelievable."

The bride-to-be mentioned that Eric "said something about "re-arranging family dynamic" and wanting us to live "normal family life."

She revealed that she was "floored at this point" and "didn't want to keep arguing cause he seemed upset about it."

A parent’s responsibility or caregiver burnout?

The bride-to-be expressed disbelief over the decision, saying, "He’s the parent and shouldn’t just basically throw his son in a care home, especially when his son is still a minor."

She suspects Eric may be experiencing caregiver burnout but feels his approach is deeply troubling.

"He might be dealing with burnout or something, but this just doesn’t feel right," she explained.

The situation has sparked tension between the couple, with Eric growing upset when she pressed him for details.

To make matters more complicated, Eric’s mother dismissed her concerns outright, saying, "This is none of your business, and you should respect my son’s decisions."

Meanwhile, her own family advised her to let it go, reasoning that Eric was "trying his best to make everyone happy."

But the bride-to-be isn’t convinced. "I’m now reconsidering the wedding, but I don’t know if I’m making the right decision," she admitted.

Bride-to-be’s dilemma stumps Reddit users

When a bride-to-be turned to the internet for advice on her fiance’s shocking decision to move his disabled son into a care home after their wedding, the responses were as complex and layered as the situation itself.

One viewer shared, "I would need more information on the extent of his son's disability. It might be that he can't handle the amount of care that's required for his son. Sometimes there isn't an alternative. But without more information, it's hard for me to judge that.

ETA. She has given more information. NTA. I just don't know how to show her comment to me to change my mind on the judgement for now. He still might not be wrong, but right now, she isn't wrong!

ETA 2: They really do need couples therapy if Eric agrees to it and hopefully he will. Check out her comments under her profile section. She sounds like a great person from her comments. She's trying to be respectful of Brian's privacy so she's unwilling to share exact details (that just adds to her respectfulness, doesn't look bad on her)! This is a tough situation for her unless Eric will open up to her more.

Also maybe she could try asking Brian his feelings on all of this. It really is just complicated!"

In a similar vein, another observer chimed in, "Same. I work in mental health and have seen plenty of families where the child/adolescent/disabled adult would have thrived more in a structured environment but the parents insist on keeping them at home even when it leads to major family issues. A family member can live in an alternative environment and still be super involved. Need way more info here."

Moreover, a viewer highlighted, "Are you prepared to assume taking care of his son if your fiancé is exhausted with caregiver burnout? How old are his children?"

Adding to the conversation, a follower contributed, "Yeah. Everyone is brave and noble until it’s them in the arena."

A comment emphasized, "This is my question. If she’s not volunteering to handle the care, she really has no place to judge him for looking for specialized care for his child, especially if he’s suffering from caregiver burnout or simply doesn’t have the necessary tools/skills required to give his son the best care."

Echoing this sentiment, another comment noted, "If her response is to consider walking away, then she probably isn't volunteering to handle the care."

Expanding on the topic, an individual said, "To me the problem isn't moving the kid to a care home. It's that the timing is suspicious and the reason reveals some important character information about the person she is about to marry. And he won't really frankly discuss the reason.

We don't know enough to judge how valid it is or isn't. All she even said is he's still a minor. He could be 5 or 15 and that in and of itself is just vastly different scenarios. She also can't judge if he's abandoning his child to pretend to have a happy life with her or moving a disabled child to a facility where he can get the specialized care he needs to thrive or anything in between.

The fact that he won't explain why and the MIL is telling her it's none of her business, suggests it might be more towards the first option. But it could also be the second and he feels guilty about it being the best move for everyone."

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