'AITA for refusing custody schedule changes to accommodate my ex's job where he earns 4 times my income?'

Frequent adjustments to official schedules can take a toll on mental well-being, rather than providing physical stability. A Redditor recently revealed the emotional strain caused by her ex-husband, who repeatedly pressured her to change her schedule in order to accommodate his work commitments and support him in the shared custody schedule of their children.

Despite earning four times more than she does, he requested that she alter her work hours to help reduce his travel costs. When she refused, he labeled her as selfish, leaving her questioning whether she was wrong for wanting to prioritize both her business and her children's needs.

Mother of five shares custody conflict with ex-husband

A Reddit post shared on January 15 by user 'sultry_bliss' on the 'Am I the A*****e' (AITA) forum details a custody conflict with the original poster's (OP) ex-husband regarding their five children (ages 8–16). 

According to the post, they currently follow a week-on/week-off custody arrangement, which has worked well for her, especially since she started her own massage therapy business last year. 

She clarified, "However, my ex frequently demands to switch to two weeks on/two weeks off schedule because he needs to travel out of state for work. He says it’s too expensive to travel every weekend. To clarify, it’s not a requirement for him to travel two weeks at a time, he’s allowed to travel every other week, it just costs him more to travel four times a month instead of two."

She also explained their financial situation, noting, "For context, his income is four times mine. I make about $30k a year, and he pays $730 a month in child support and $550 in spousal support, though the spousal support will end in 1.5 years. However, I use the spousal support on the kids anyway to help cover their expenses."

The user shared the difficulties this schedule change causes her, particularly when it comes to childcare and her business. "Finding and paying for last-minute childcare adds up quickly," she wrote. 

She continued, "I already work fewer hours on the weeks I have the kids, but I can’t make up for it by working more hours on my off weeks, my body simply can’t handle it. So every time he changes the plan, it disrupts my client schedule and forces me to either reschedule appointments (potentially losing clients) or find (and pay for) last minute childcare." 

She added, "I’ve told him I need consistency for both my business and the kids, but he argues I should be more flexible because his job is demanding."

The post also highlighted the children’s struggles with the custody schedule. "The kids don’t like the two weeks on/two weeks off arrangement. They are struggling as is with the week on/week off," she wrote. "They prefer to be with me, but there’s nothing I can do about that," she added. 

She revealed that the two oldest children had requested therapy due to the stress caused by their father, so she arranged for them to begin sessions. 

"Now the third oldest is begging to start therapy too," she added, expressing concern about the impact of the constant schedule changes on their mental health and stability. She noted that her ex doesn't believe in mental health support and opposes therapy for the children.

In the post’s conclusion, she shared her decision to stand firm on the custody schedule, despite her ex-husband's criticism. 

"I finally put my foot down and told him I won’t keep adjusting the schedule," she said and continued, "Now he’s calling me selfish and says I’m not considering how hard he works to provide for the kids. I feel like I’m just protecting my business and the kids' mental health and stability. AITA?"

Internet suggests ideas to OP who is struggling in a custody conflict with her ex

Redditors rallied behind OP, offering support as she shared the emotional struggles caused by her ex-husband amid their ongoing custody battle.

One user wrote, "NTA but you guys may have to take this to court to resettle the arrangements. Why isn’t his work paying for his travel expenses?" 

Another shared a suggestion, "Go back to court if you change your custody schedule He should not epect you to pay for the costs of his changing schedule ($730 a month in child support is not enough for five kids)" 

A Redditor claimed, "NTA he is getting a child support bargain. He needs to do what the court ordered. He can pay for the extra childcare if he wants to change things up. Seems like he is just into causing you chaos." 

A commenter said, "Tell him you won't discuss changes with him, and this needs to go to mediation or court for any changes because you will fight it. The mediator will also listen to the older kids' feelings regarding this, and take those feelings into account." 

One netizen claimed, "NTA. You made an agreement on custody. Your type of work requires that you pace yourself. Your ex can continue your current arrangement but prefers not to so he can save money. I get that it would be nice if that worked well for both of you, but it doesn't. End of discussion." 

Someone else added, "You are the children’s Mom, not his Nanny! Tell him to figure his schedule out that was agreed upon by the Court. If he’s going to pull crap on you, then take him back to court. You are not obligated to cater to his whims."

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