'AITA for refusing to forgive my dying father for passing Huntington's disease to my late brother?'

Despite their father being on his deathbed, an individual is unable to bring themselves to forgive him.

The emotional and complex situation was shared by the original poster (OP) on Reddit’s "Am I The A**hole" forum, where the story quickly went viral. 

Man's refusal to get tested for Huntington's gene led to son's untimely death

In the Reddit post titled "AITAH for not forgiving my dying father for giving my younger brother Huntington’s disease?", the OP explains that their father had clear warning signs that something was genetically wrong in their family.

"My father always knew that something wasn’t right with his family. Both his father and uncle died of Huntington's disease in their 30s. His grandfather died young from it as well. They didn’t know what disease it was killing them for a long time, but my father and his siblings knew that there was some hereditary disease in the family that caused people to die," the OP wrote. 

While OP’s aunt and uncle chose to get tested in the 1990s, their father refused. Even after they urged him to get tested, he dismissed their concerns, insisting that everything was fine. He went on to have three children.

"My aunt and uncle both didn’t have children. When testing for Huntington's disease came out in the 90s, they both got tested because my uncle is a doctor, and he has his suspicions. Neither of them had it, but they worried that my father did. He refused to get tested, and said everything was fine. My parents had three children, and my younger brother died of juvenile-onset Huntingtons disease. That was when it was confirmed that my father had it as well," the OP shared. 

When OP's younger brother tragically died from juvenile-onset Huntington’s disease, a rare and devastating form of the illness, they knew for certain their father carried the mutated gene. This led OP and their other brother to cut ties with their parents. 

"My brother and I both have cut off our parents because of this. We got tested and thankfully neither of us have it, but our brother died because my father decided to avoid the inevitable, and he selfishly had children knowing that he probably had this disease," the OP mentioned. 

Now, their father, who is in the final stages of Huntington’s, wants to apologize, but the OP doesn't want to speak with him. 

The OP noted, "My mother has begged us to talk to him, because he’s dying. He just turned forty, and the disease has run its course. He wants to apologize. I hate him so much, and I don’t think he deserves to say goodbye. In my eyes, he may as well have murdered our brother. We all had to watch him die a horrific death."

"My brother won’t say goodbye either. Our aunt and uncle both think we’re a**holes, and they say we don’t understand how our father was feeling. They say he was scared, and wanted to just try to live a normal life like anyone else," the OP wrote, before asking, "AITAH? I don't think I will have it in me to say goodbye either way."

Redditors think OP should consult a therapist to untangle their thoughts and feelings

The Reddit community urged the OP to seek therapy to process their emotions. 

A top comment read, "This is way above Reddit's pay grade. You need to talk to a therapist, not us."

Another wrote, "Not a doctor or a therapist but as someone who lost a son and then suffered from complex traumatic grief that I didn't even realize I needed treatment for for a decade, I highly concur as well."

"I have nothing to add except that I am sorry for your immeasurable loss, and for all the suffering your family has endured, most particularly your brother," another expressed. 

"Genetic testing became available in 1993 when your dad was 8ish when you say his brother tried to convince him to test. It’s completely understandable that your dad thought everything was fine. Have you honestly asked yourself what you would have done in his place? OP, if your dad is 40, you and your brother are in your early to mid 20s or younger. You have lots of life ahead of you and can easily live another 60 years. As others have said, you need to start work with a therapist right away as your dad may not have long to live. You say you hate him now, but perspectives often change after a parental death. If you 100% believe that you will not experience any guilt after he’s gone, don’t see him. But if there’s a chance you might experience guilt, you should reconsider. Sixty years is a long time to carry guilt. I have seen it destroy the lives of people I love and don’t wish it on anyone, " one more commented.

One more offered, "There is literally nobody in this thread that can help OP in the way he needs right now. OP, please have at least a couple sessions with a therapist for this. Your feelings are valid, but you may also look back and wish it was handled differently. A therapist can help you untangle thoughts and feelings you didn’t realize were tangled. At the worst, it does nothing for you. At the best, it helps you start to heal. Good luck OP. Wishing you well."

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