'AITA for refusing to let my estranged mom stay with me after she flew 4 hours uninvited?'

The Internet is rallying behind a woman who refused to let her estranged mother stay with her even after her mom flew across the country to see her without an invitation.

The controversial situation was shared by the original poster (OP), on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e’ forum, where the story quickly gained traction.

Woman refuses to let her mom stay with her

In the Reddit post titled “AITA for not letting my mom stay in my house after she flew 4 hours to see me?” OP provides context for her complicated relationship with her mother.

OP explains, "I (21F) and my mother (54F) have a very strained relationship. I grew up being Mormon in the south and she let my dad abuse my siblings and I. I ended up moving out when I was 14 to live with my grandmother and I went no contact with my mom. When I went to college, I went very far west and drove about 30 hours to get to said college. Around that time my mom started to contact me."

Years later, when OP went 30 hours away for college, her mother reached out again. Over time, they built a relationship mostly through phone calls and texts. "I did stay in contact with her because as I got older I realized that she too was hurt by my dad, but she was still with him. I continued to be wary and never actually visited because I had my own life."

Things took a strange turn when OP got married. She didn’t invite her mom to the wedding, only a few of her brothers. Her mom didn’t seem to mind, so OP felt safe letting her into her life a little more.

"My husband (22M) and I are having a baby soon. I ended up telling my mom this over the phone and she congratulated me. A few weeks went by and she was obsessed with the idea of me being a mom. It was weird, she kept bringing up my old religion and how this was going to "connect" us. A few weeks ago my mom texted me to pick her up from the airport and then she called me in a rage when I told her no. She asked me where she expects her to stay and I said not my place because I didn't invite her and didn't want her there. I'm not sure where she stayed."

Not long after, OP started receiving angry texts from her sisters, who accused her of manipulating their mother. According to them, OP led her mom on, making her believe there was hope for a closer relationship only to crush her by rejecting her in person.

"I start getting texts from my sisters who are bashing me for building up a relationship with my mom only to manipulate her. I feel bad because maybe it did seem like I wanted her around but that was never my intention. I just wanted to be at peace in our relationship, I didn't care if it was still not the greatest. So AITA for not wanting her around?"

Internet defends woman who refused to let her mom stay with her

Reddit overwhelmingly sided with OP, labeling her as NTA (Not the A*****e). Many users pointed out that OP’s mom made assumptions and violated boundaries by showing up without an invitation.

One top comment read, "NTA. I don't see here any pattern of "manipulation" as your sisters put. This is a very plain and simple story: you started to build a very long distance relationship with your mom, after years of disconnection. Your mom however felt like you are now "closer" because you let her know you are pregnant, that is also where you realized that your mom has intentions to "bring you closer to god".

"You mom then booked a flight without even asking or discussing what she's about to do with you, and invited herself to your home after years of ignoring your life. She then expected you to "feel happy" and rush to the airport to pick her up and accommodate her in your safe ands secure home. This is totally delusional behavior, I'm sorry. No matter how close your sisters assume you got with your mom, meeting her after so long, would definitely be in a neutral location, if it would even happen at all."

"You are not an AH, and the only AH in this story are both your sisters who responded without knowing a shred of the story apparently, and you mom of course, who thinks everything is forgiven and she won a clean slate just because you told her about your baby in the phone, where she had the nerve to discuss your fucked up religion who ruined your childhood smh. I'm always glad to hear about people who managed to turn over their life the way you did, and escape the claws of religion and abusers against all odds, and build themselves a nice and safe life with the person they love. A good way to stat my week :)"

Another user added, "I do see a pattern of manipulation but it's not being done by OP. The only people who show up unannounced with suddenly no place to go are people who are trying to manipulate you into letting them closer than you want them to be."

A third commenter wrote, "She just showed up at the airport? NTA. She can absolutely just show up if she organises transport and accommodation and then ask to see you, at which point it’s your call. But even with family it would be unusual to fly in and expect someone to come get you and give you a bed without notice."

Another wrote, "This is a manipulative win win for the mom. Either she gets the visit the way she wants it (no boundaries on her terms) or she gets rejected and can play the role of victim. Going low contact may have to turn into no contact. NTA."

"NTA who the hell just shows up at someone's house when they are about to have a baby, and expect to be accommodated?? That is really weird," a user said.

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