'AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter move into my late daughter's bedroom?'

Losing a child is a pain no parent should ever have to endure, and for one grieving father that heartbreak was still very raw—even two years after his daughter’s death.

But now his grief is clashing with his current family’s needs, and he turned to Reddit’s Am I The A*****e (AITA) forum to ask if he was in the wrong for not letting his stepdaughter move into his late daughter’s untouched bedroom.

The original poster (OP) titled the post: "AITA for Not Letting My Stepdaughter Have My Late Daughter’s Room?"

A step-daughter's request and a father's pain 

OP shared the devastating backstory. His 15-year-old daughter—“Megan” (not her real name)—passed away two years ago, and her bedroom has remained almost exactly as she left it since then.

“I keep it clean,” OP explained. I’ve made a few attempts to clean it out but I stop pretty quick. I just feel guilty."

But his 16-year-old stepdaughter, “Anna,” made a request that’s forcing OP to face the painful reality of moving forward.

"Recently, my wife’s daughter, Anna (16F), asked if she could move into Megan’s room because it’s bigger and has better lighting. Anna currently shares a room with her younger sister, and I understand that’s not really comfortable," he said.

But OP immediately shut the idea down. “I told Anna no and explained that I’m not ready to change Megan’s room,” he wrote, adding that while Anna "was disappointed, she seemed to understand his decision."

However, his wife saw things very differently. "My wife is now pressuring me, saying it’s unfair that I’m 'prioritizing a shrine' over Anna’s comfort. She argues that Megan wouldn’t have wanted her room to sit empty when someone else could use it," OP recounted.

“I get her point,” OP admitted, “but to me, this isn’t about playing favorites. I’m still grieving, and changing Megan’s room feels like erasing her.”

The worst part is that while Anna hasn’t been pushy about the request, OP’s wife keeps bringing it up, calling him "selfish and unwilling to move forward.”

Despite standing his ground, OP is starting to wonder if he’s in the wrong. "I know it’s been two years, but I don’t feel ready yet. My wife says I’m putting my grief above Anna’s needs. AITA?" he asked.

Reddit offers verdict

The overwhelming consensus was that OP isn’t the a*****e—but neither is his wife.

"There's no timeline for grief. But the living people in your life also need your attention. Please seek the advice of a therapist. They can help your honor your daughter while also loving your living family," one top commenter responded.

"When dealing with loss no one is ever the AH, especially not for not being ready to change her room, but a 16-year-old girl should have her own room and a right to privacy. Is there any other room that could be changed into a bedroom? Her comfort needs to be considered here, she’s still here and you are also her parent. For your own sake, I would recommend some therapy to help you navigate your grief. I would hate for you to lose your living family because you’re unable to move past your grief," another offered.

"You're not an a*****e, but the unfortunate reality is at some point you have to start prioritizing your other daughters over the memory of your deceased daughter. I think my parents took longer than two years to clean out my brother's room so I sympathize completely and understand, but keeping it as is wasn't putting any strain on the family. Best of luck OP," a comment read.

"NTA. But I do think that it might be worth having a conversation or two with a therapist about ways to help you be able to move on. I know that the room is comforting because it reminds you of Megan. But there might be a better way to memorialize her. As for your wife pressuring you, I’d love to have her in a few sessions as well because she’s not helping at the moment. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sending all the love your way," someone else chimed in.

"I think you need to work through the guilt - your daughter’s memory and legacy isn’t tied to a space like her room. That’s just geography. I don’t think you’re an ah but your wife isn’t either - she wants the family to be as happy as it can be in its current state and that doesn’t mean it’s the ideal state (which would obviously include your daughter!) I think asking her for a specific amount of time and work with a professional to get ok with changing the room and living a full life without guilt. NAH," another insisted.

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