'AITA for refusing to sell my car because my fiancee won't sit in the front seat where my ex used to?'

As a wedding approaches, an engaged couple focuses more on their upcoming nuptials rather than being fixated on the past. But when a fiancee obsesses over her would-be husband’s previous relationship, then problems would ensue. 

Recently, a 27-year-old male Redditor took to the 'Am I the A*****e' (AITA) forum of Reddit to present his unique case where he claimed that his fiancee (26-year-old female) is so fixated on his past that she refuses to sit in the front seat of his car where his ex previously used to. 

While providing some background on the issue, the author shared that as they are preparing for their marriage, “something recently came up that’s left me confused and conflicted.” He added, “I want to know if I’m in the wrong here or if her reaction is unreasonable.”

Redditor complains about fiancee who doesn’t want to sit in the front seat of his car

Taking to the Reddit section, the man wrote, “Here’s the issue: My fiancee refuses to sit in the front seat of my car because my ex used to sit there.”

The author noted that his fiancee thinks of herself as an imposter as sitting there “makes her uncomfortable and feels like she’s “taking what’s someone else’s.””

“Instead, she insists on sitting in the back seat whenever we go somewhere, which honestly feels strange to me—like I’m her chauffeur,” shared the author, who was seemingly left displeased with the arrangement. 

He continued that when he offered her solutions like offering to sell the car “if it truly bothers her,” the woman refused. The author wrote that she reasoned it would make her feel like “she’s forcing me to do something.”

“However, she still won’t sit in the front seat and avoids interacting with anything related to my past relationships,” wrote the author, before noting, “This is part of a bigger pattern.”

He listed the times their relationship has faced challenges, noting, “She’s mentioned multiple times that she doesn’t want to do things I’ve done with my ex, like cuddling on the couch during a movie or visiting places I’ve been to before.”

While the man claims that he has “tried to be understanding of her feelings,” in recent days, he has started “to feel like I’m being held responsible for my past, which I can’t change.”

“It’s also confusing because she keeps in touch with her own ex, occasionally texting or calling him, which I have no issue with as I trust her,” noted the author. 

He added, “Whenever these situations come up, she tends to withdraw emotionally—avoiding physical affection, not saying good night, or being distant,” but also noted, “While I love her and want to work through this, I’m starting to feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her emotions, especially when they’re tied to things I can’t control, like my past.”

In the end, he summarized his situation, writing, “My fiancee refuses to sit in the front seat of my car because my ex sat there and avoids doing things I did with my ex. I offered to sell the car, but she doesn’t want me to, even though she won’t engage with it. Am I the a*****e for not selling the car and thinking her behavior is unreasonable?”

Internet backs OP and deems him NTA, but advises him on his wedding

The internet supported the OP as he presented his issues to the judgment of social media users. Several netizens even advised the author to hold off on the wedding and go for couple's counseling. According to netizens "there is something going on in her mind that's prompting her actions."

One of the Redditors declared, "NTA," and added, "This is controlling behavior. Stop playing her games. If she won't sit next to you in the front of the car, then don't drive her anymore." They further prophesied judging by the patterns in the relationship, "Ultimately, this relationship isn't going to work out. It would be messier and more expensive to get a divorce than to choose not to marry this woman in the first place. Even if you don't want to end the relationship, you should put wedding plans on hold and get couple's counseling."

"I would put the wedding on hold until you two can work through this," advised another user while putting herself in the OP's shoes. The Redditor added, "From a female perspective this is very strange. I mean, it’s just a car and I’m sure lots of different people have sat up front. And no cuddles on the couch. It sounds like you need to buy a new house and all new furniture in order to make her comfortable. Oh and probably move cities. She’s being ridiculous and maybe is just extremely insecure?"

Another user hypothesized, "She still has feelings for her ex or is cheating on OP with him. That’s why she’s using every excuse possible to stay as far away from OP as possible. Not cuddling with him, not even sitting in the front seat with him. Sounds like she doesn’t want to be seen with him and maybe the ex doesn’t even know they’re together." "Chances are OP is the “better option” but she still loves her ex or likes the thrill of this and the control," added the social media user furthering the theory.

"Definitely proves you should drop her completely and move on," shared another Redditor before elaborating, "Very controlling, manipulative, gas lighting, narcissistic... Pick a term... Probably all fit. If she's like this before the wedding she's going to be 10x worse after."

"She sounds emotionally immature. Honestly, I would hold off on marrying her until she has some serious amount of therapy sessions under her belt. Nta," declared someone else.

Another Redditor mused that the author's fiancee may need therapy as well. "OP NTA. bumping this person's comment, I truly think she needs therapy. I'm not saying she's crazy, but there is something going on in her mind that's prompting her actions, and she doesn't sound emotionally mature enough/ready for marriage," shared the user. 

Redditor gives an update about his decision regarding his marriage

After getting a massive response from the Redditors, the OP also gave a brief update on his next course of action. Addressing one of the replies in the comment section, the author started by thanking the users. 

Acknowledging his decision to call off the wedding, the man wrote, "Thank you so much for your advice! I’m seriously considering calling off the wedding!"

He further shared, "When I spoke to her about it earlier today in another car (not the one my ex sat in 😂), she dismissed my concerns, removed her seatbelt and started screaming at me during the argument, saying it’s normal."

He further shared in his update that his fiancee does not bother herself with practical matters including logistical planning. Instead, of participating in the marriage as an equal, she wanted OP to take care of her like her father.

"She doesn’t contribute to practical matters like wedding or honeymoon planning and instead compares me to her dad, expecting me to take care of everything," added the OP, before claiming, "She minimizes her toxic behaviors, blames PMS, and rarely apologizes." He acknowledged the internet's help, writing, " So yeah, listing all these out has really helped!"

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online