'AITA for ruining proposal my boyfriend had planned because of the location he chose?'

Proposing your special person for marriage is often considered one of the best parts of a relationship. To make the memory picture-perfect, the person proposing often needs to plan the moment impeccably. 

But what happens if the person plans for the proposal months in advance but disregards the considerations required to make their partner comfortable? 

A 26-year-old female Redditor faced a similar situation when her boyfriend berated her for not accommodating his plans for the proposal as the original poster (OP) was not comfortable with the location.

OP's boyfriend chose yacht for proposal despite knowing about her water phobia

The woman, who took to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum of Reddit to share her experience, noted that she had water phobia after having a traumatizing near-death experience where she almost drowned in her teenage years. This is why she was not very keen on going near water bodies.

The drama ensued when the woman's 28-year-old boyfriend orchestrated a proposal, but it heavily involved water. According to Someecards, the woman asked in a now-deleted post, "AITA for ruining my boyfriend’s proposal because of the location he chose?"

To provide context to other readers, she shared that nine years ago, she had an “extremely traumatic experience.”

“I was at the beach with my friends when I got caught in a rip and started drowning,” noted the OP. While she was saved by a bodyboarder and brought back to land by a lifeguard, she “developed a severe fear of the water.”

The OP wrote, “I have not gone swimming since, I won’t even get into a bathtub. I absolutely hate the water. My boyfriend is aware of this.”

However, during their fourth anniversary, her boyfriend planned a “super big surprise” for her. She realized it wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience for her as soon as they reached the marina. 

“But as soon as we arrived at the marina I realised what was happening and I went into panic mode. My boyfriend had chartered a private yacht for our anniversary. I told him “You know that I cannot get on a boat,”” wrote the OP. 

She continued, “He asked me why not. I had to remind him that I am fearful of the water.”

“He quickly became frustrated, and told me that I’m not going in the water I’m going to be on a yacht so it’s “safe,”” she added while describing her boyfriend’s reaction. 

She continued, “I explained to him that’s irrelevant I literally cannot be near or on the water without freaking out. I blatantly refused to get on the yacht. Long story short, we returned home and he started arguing with me immediately.”

While she said she would reimburse the money spent, her boyfriend said he wasn’t “angry about the money he wasted” but angry because he thought the OP “ruined something romantic that he had planned months ago.”

“He then revealed a ring box and told me he was planning on proposing to me on the yacht,” wrote the OP. 

She continued, “I was surprised by this but also confused. I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea to propose to me on a yacht knowing my trauma surrounding the water. To which he replied, “Go to a Fg therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it." I'm thinking of leaving him over this.”

This has put a strain on their relationship as she admitted, “We’ve barely spoken since. I do feel guilty, and I absolutely do want to marry him as he is the love of my life but I cannot control my phobia.”

She added, “And I do think he should’ve have known better. He could’ve chosen literally anywhere else to propose to me but he really thought that’s the best place? Now I’m just really confused,” before asking, “AITA?”

Internet urges OP to rethink about her life with her boyfriend

The Internet was not pleased with the way OP's boyfriend planned the proposal as they warned the author to think twice about whether she wanted to marry the man who disregarded her phobia. 

One of the Redditors commented, "NTA. He knew about your phobia and yet thought his plan was a good idea... really?! As for him telling you to: “go to a f**king therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it.” Unnecessarily cruel and so dismissive. I would honestly reconsider marriage or a relationship with him as a decent person would take your trauma and feelings into account and not make everything about them."

Someone else hypothesized what might have stemmed the boyfriend's proposal, writing, "I guarantee boyfriend saw some other friend's proposal and decided a yacht would be a great way to one up theirs. All he cared about is how others will view him after an extravagant proposal and not at all about OPs comfort."

"He's acting angry because he forgot about her phobia and he doesn't want to experience shame. People who avoid shame by getting angry...don't make the best partners," someone else remarked.

Another added, "Yup NTA and how is it “romantic” if you are having a panic attack."

One individual chimed in, "It's not at all. He seemingly cannot see beyond the end of his own nose and expects OP to conform to his expectations without taking the fact that she is her own person with her own emotions and traumas into account. To sum it up; a selfish AH with no consideration of those closest to him."

Another Redditor urged, "NTA, but honey, do you really want to marry a man this dismissive of you and your feelings? A man that talks to you this way?? Really think this over before committing. They don't get better after marriage, they get worse."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.