'AITA for skipping my brother’s birthday party after it was planned at my house without my consent?'

A mother-of-two was left overwhelmed after her mother planned a surprise party for her younger brother at her home without her consent. 

The 33-year-old sister was forced to cancel the event and asked her mother to relocate the party, explaining that her husband had just returned from surgery and their home wasn’t suitable for hosting.

However, her brother, upset by the change, called her selfish, and their mother accused her of ruining a perfect family gathering.

33-year-old woman details mother's surprise plan for brother without her consent

In a Reddit post titled, "AITA for not attending my brother's surprise birthday because it was planned at my house without my consent?" a mother-of-two shared the challenges she faced when her parents planned a surprise birthday party for her younger brother without consulting her. 

She explained, "I (33F) am currently living with my partner and two children. My younger brother (30M) recently had a milestone birthday, and my parents decided to throw him a surprise party. Normally, I’d be all for it, but here’s where things get complicated."

The 33-year-old continued, "A week before the event, my mom casually mentions that they’ve planned the surprise party at my house because it's more spacious and centrally located for everyone else."

She explained, "This was the first I’d heard of it, and they hadn’t asked for my permission beforehand. I was immediately overwhelmed because my partner has been recovering from surgery, and our house is hardly in a state for hosting."

She told her mother that hosting was not an option and suggested alternative venues. The OP continued, "She got upset and said everything was already arranged and changing locations last minute would be too complicated. Feeling cornered, I stood my ground and said they needed to relocate the party or scale it down."

The situation quickly escalated. "The fallout was immediate. My brother, who was accidentally clued in, called me selfish for not accommodating the family on his special day." 

The mother continued, "My parents accused me of ruining what could have been a perfect family gathering. In the end, they hastily rearranged the event at a cousin’s place, but the atmosphere was strained, and several relatives made passive-aggressive comments about my absence."

She concluded by asking, "I feel terrible for missing the party and causing such a commotion but also frustrated that my boundaries were disregarded. AITA for not hosting the party at my house and choosing to skip it altogether?"

Internet wishes OP 'peace of mind'

After the mother of two expressed her overwhelming reaction to her mother's surprise plan for her brother, several users shared their thoughts online. 

One user claimed, "I equally wish OP peace of mind, because she really deserve it. In all, OP is NTA." Another added, "Wtf organizes a whole ass party in someone's house without permission, that's just insane really, there is definitely some real boundaries issues here, NTA in any way" 

One Redditor added, "Just because we're family doesn't mean you can go about doing anything in my house without my consent. Plus even if OP wanted to agree, this is something she needed to ask her partner and be sure her partner is okay with it. OP NTA here." 

Another user commented, "NTA. OP wasn't even given a choice. It’s one thing to request your home as a venue and another to dictate it. OP have every right to say no and prioritize her family’s needs."  

A person declared, "Totally absurd." A netizen simple wrote, "NTA, you were well within your rights to stand your ground. It is your house, not theirs. And with the fallout, it made sense to not attend. I would go low contact in the meantime until they learn to respect your boundaries."

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