'AITA for telling my wife I’d never forgive cheating as she says she would?'

The Internet is backing a man who was brutally honest with his wife about his views on cheating, even though his words left her visibly upset.

The scenario was shared by the original poster (OP) on Reddit’s popular ‘Am I The A*****e’ forum, where it quickly gained traction, sparking thousands of comments and debates.

Man tells his wife he would never forgive cheating

In the Reddit post titled “AITAH for being brutally honest to my wife about cheating?” OP explains that he and his wife were at a party playing a lighthearted “Never Have I Ever” game with friends. One of the statements was: “Never have I ever forgiven a partner for cheating.” To his surprise, his wife took a sip.

"So this happened over the past weekend, we were at a party with friends and this question popped up. We essentially had a small never had I ever game, which is pretty childish looking back but we're all in our later 20's so it isn't that bad. One of the questions was: Never have I ever forgiven a partner for cheating. A few people counted that as something they did, including my wife."

While OP didn’t think much of it at the time, later that night, as he drove them home, he asked her about it.

"I expressed my surprise about it, since I wouldn't expect her of all people to give someone a chance after cheating. Other than that, the night went on just fine and I was driving us home. (I don't drink, I hate alcohol) I asked her about the whole situation with forgiving a partner for cheating. In her words, her ex-boyfriend of so many years back cheated on her. He came clean about it and they tried again, but then he went and did it again in the same manner."

OP's wife forgave an ex who cheated on her

She explained that years ago, she forgave an ex-boyfriend who had cheated on her. He came clean, and they tried again only for him to cheat in the exact same way. Despite that, she said she had no regrets about giving him another chance and even claimed she would do the same if OP ever cheated.

"She said she didn't regret giving him a second chance and would do the same if I happened to cheat."

OP, who has no intention of ever being unfaithful, was taken aback by her comment. When she asked if he would do the same for her, he gave her a blunt but honest response.

"I figure this is just her being drunk, I have no intention of cheating on her. In absence of any answer from me, she asks if I'd do the same for her. I bluntly told her that I wouldn't be able to forgive cheating, nor would I ever expect to be forgiven for cheating if I somehow ended up doing it. Short of physical abuse or other heinous acts, its the worst thing you can do to someone you love. I don't know what happened to her after that, but she stopped talking the rest of the car ride. Ever since then, she's been dead silent around me."

After that, the mood shifted completely. His wife went silent for the rest of the car ride and has been distant ever since.

"She isn't her usual bubbly self and is withdrawn when I have conversations with her. She avoids any questions about what happened on Saturday night too. I asked our mutual friends about any context I may have missed, and a few of them said that she must have taken it a bit too hard."

When OP asked mutual friends for insight, some suggested she took it too personally as if OP’s unwillingness to forgive hypothetical cheating meant he didn’t love her as much as she loves him.

"As in me not being able to forgive her for hypothetical cheating means I don't love her as much as she loves me. Her two oldest friends kind of implied that I shouldn't have been so blunt about it."

Internet supports man for being honest with wife about infidelity

Reddit overwhelmingly sided with OP, agreeing that honesty about boundaries in a relationship is essential.

One user wrote, "NTA . She's conflating your personal boundaries with your love for her. But personal boundaries and dealbreakers are about self love, not love of another. Not everyone has the same boundaries and that is always more about the person themselves than other people."

Another added, "NTA...this is stupid, on her part. Did she cheat and is sad that you wouldn't be willing to forgive her? Does she have the urge to or plan on doing it and hopes you'd give her another chance? Either way, it doesn't look good. Just because she can forgive a cheater doesn't mean you can or should."

One comment read, "I think in her mind that means you love her less than she does. I don't think the same, for me cheating was always a breaking point. (Couldn't forgive and wouldn't expect to be forgiven, like you said). But some people have the mindset that if you "really" love someone they could do anything to you and you "have to try" and give them another chance. I don't see it as a sign she wants to cheat on you or has done it. NTA, I'd talk to her that loving someone doesn't mean that there aren't any boundaries."

"Guess it will always be a question impossible to compromise about. While some do believe in second chance for cheaters, others just can’t trust a cheater any more. Sounds that on that topic you have a different point of view that you will never agree on. NTA Nobody said it because he will be downvoted but I will…I hope her question was hypothetical, because her reaction could also be a scared reaction from your answer," a user said.

A user commented, "If her friends are correct, that her interpretation of forgiving a cheater is a sign of love, then she needs a correction. Maybe you should inform her, it's because you love her so much that cheating would be too devastating. She doesn't seem to realize people break up after cheating, because the thought of your partner loving someone else is too much to bare. NTA, I don't think she is either, assuming her friends are correct. It just sounds like she's been in unhealthy relationships."

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