'AITA for wanting to hang out with my sister’s ex despite her distancing herself from me?'

Different perspectives of right and wrong shape every family dynamic, and sometimes, these differing views can create a rift. A similar situation has been narrated on Reddit involving an 18-year-old brother, his 28-year-old sister, and her now ex-boyfriend, 23. 

The sister distanced herself from her younger brother after her breakup since he chose to continue his friendship with her ex, leading to a clash of perspectives. Let’s dive into what happened between the three of them and how Reddit users reacted to the unfolding drama.

18-year-old notices something off between his sister and her boyfriend

A Reddit post shared by the user @forward_warning_1612, titled "AITA for not choosing my sister when she split with her partner?" begins with the 18-year-old man explaining his family background: "I (18M) have an older sister (28F). We only recently started to become close (past 4 years or so). Around two(?) years ago, she met this guy (23M). He made a great impression on me when we met the first two times. I thought they were a great match! They made each other happy, and I got to see my sister more than I had in a long time, which made me happy too."

He continued, "I’d invited them to Dungeons & Dragons at my place, because they both seemed interested. They both agreed. Due to the ten year age gap between my sister and I, I was happy that we could finally find a hobby to mutually enjoy."

However, things began to change. "However, 6 months ago I noticed that things were off. They would come over looking stressed and dejected, and sometimes it would seem like my sister would text Boyfriend and he would deflate. I didn’t want to bring it up because, again, not really my business," he explained. But as time went on, " it began to get to a point where everyone at the table could see the conflict (which wasn’t hidden very well, but I thought I may just be over-analyzing things."

Younger sibling visits sister's apartment

The situation took a turn when the younger sibling visited his sister's apartment. "My sister wasn’t there, but me and her partner had hung out together plenty before so I wasn’t bothered. After we chilled for an hour or two, I finally asked him what was going on. I told him he didn’t have to tell me anything, that it wasn’t my problem and if he was uncomfortable then I’d leave it be and forget it. But to my surprise, he was very open."

The 23-year-old man revealed that his sister had cheated on him, both emotionally and physically, with more than three other men. "He told me that my sister had cheated on him (emotionally and physically) with more than 3 other men, then tried to blame it on her mental health or suddenly being polyamorous," the 18-year-old said. 

He added, "He expressed to me how I should ask her for her side as well. I told him I’d like proof to confirm the accusations. There was more than enough. The rest of the hangout went by without any issues. The ex boyfriend still comes to d&d, and we have a great time! We talk often, and have a normal friendship." 

"I’d never asked for my sister’s side because she was very unstable at the time, and I was scared that she would blow up on me," the Redditor shared. "We had a conversation where I told her I didn’t not want to fight or argue with her, and that I still loved her unconditionally. I told her that while, yes, my perspective had changed, that didn’t lessen my love for her."

He continued, "She explained to me that she felt like their intimacy had gotten stale (which was none of my business to begin with, and I did not press her for information about that). And said that she was “intimidated” to speak with him about it because nothing changed when she did. I could understand both points, because he worked long shifts nearly every day."

The post ended with the Redditor sharing his sister’s reaction: "She told me that she felt like I was “enjoying” her ex boyfriend more than her. I told her that I would not lie to her, and that I would continue hanging out with said ex. She then told me that she would be distancing herself from me while he was still in my life."

Redditors praise younger sibling for handling things maturely

After discovering the argument between the siblings due to the elder sister's disagreement with her now ex-boyfriend, many internet users have shown support for the younger sibling.

One user wrote, "NTA. You handled that quite maturely for an 18yo. She will come around." 

One person added, "NTA Sis was cheating because she was bored of the intimacy The ex didn’t cheat and you have things in common I’m guessing she’s feeling isolated and guilty seeing you both hang out." 

A Redditor stated, "NTA I wanna rephrase this whole thing more succinctly “my sister is mad that I didn’t stop talking to her boyfriend, who is my friend, after she cheated on him. Am I the asshole?” No. No you are not." 

A person shared, "The most interesting thing about this is that being the youngest at 18 you are the one acting in the most mature manner. Well done and no, NTA." 

One more Redditor commented, "NTA that being said I have seen first hand familiar relationships go up in flames by people choosing to still be friends with their family’s exes. So while you are allowed to be friends with whoever you want I would recommend thinking about potential consequences and whether or not you are willing to live with them. Again NTA but it is defiantly something to consider."

Someone else added, “NTA You are allowed to choose your own friends regardless of what people think about the friendship.”

This article contains remarks made on the internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online