AITA: Internet backs college student for questioning future with unemployed BF after spending $20K on him
A young college student has shared her dilemma on Reddit after financially supporting her boyfriend for a long time.
Taking to Reddit's popular 'Am I The A*****e' subreddit, the woman, under the username ThrowRA0631c, began her story by writing, “My partner (31M) and I (20F) have been together for almost 2 years now, we met as coworkers and started dating a few months after I left for college.”
“I’m realizing he’s just about ruined me financially and I don’t know if I can continue in this relationship,” she stated, reported someecards.
College student shares her boyfriend, 31, is unable to keep any job
The woman shared that her 31-year-old boyfriend is from a poor family and supports his parents financially. She also mentioned that he had alcohol issues earlier.
“He quit his long-term minimum wage barista job to move in with me where I go to college, and has had numerous jobs since. He had 3 minimum wage restaurant jobs from last October until January, all of which he left after about a month or two because he ‘couldn’t handle it anymore,’” she revealed.
However, later in June, her boyfriend got another minimum wage barista job before he once again left it in July. “He’s been unemployed since, and even though I’m a student we’ve been living off of my savings,” the woman noted.
Initially, the student’s boyfriend used his credit card to pay for things but when it reached its limit, she had to pay for it. ThrowRA0631c disclosed, “That happened around 10 or so times. I would also pay for his $50 phone bill monthly.”
However, not only that, the woman has to send “$1000 here, $500 there, etc,” to her boyfriend for his other expenses as well.
“He pays for all of our expenses with his card (aside from rent, which I cover 100%), but with the money I send him. This was my idea, and I honestly think this is in part to try and gaslight myself that he’s paying for it, even though I’m basically his only source of income,” she wrote.
Woman asks Redditors if she should continue her relationship
The woman then admitted in her Reddit post that though she loves her boyfriend, “our financial situation is really starting to weigh on me.”
“We’re moving to a new city in January for an internship of mine and I REALLY need his help contributing financially, he’s been half-assedly applying to jobs here and there but to no avail,” she noted.
The woman also shared that she’s not able to “bring myself to end it after spending upwards of $20,000 on this man.”
“Should I stick it out to try to get some of my money back? Am I just being materialistic and taking our otherwise great relationship for granted?” she asked.
The woman also asked for help from fellow Redditors as she added, “Am I just being naive thinking that he’ll change, and just give up hope before the situation gets even worse? Please help.”
People tell college student to leave ‘terrible’ boyfriend
People soon jumped into the matter with one commenting, “He's dead weight, you could've financed a house or bought a new car with that money. I don't personally know this guy but know people who are like that and they are all losers.”
Another one said, “NTA. Cue David Attenborough. And here we see our classic hobo sexual in his native habitat. Note how he has located and ensnared his preferred victim, the young, naive woman. This hobo sexual is using all of his charm and normal manipulative tactics to insure he does not lose his victim and the financial support he so desperately craves.”
“The young victim is so enthralled and bewildered by his actions, she calmly accepts the fact that this adult man has only worked three months in the past two years. Sarcasm aside. Cut your losses and run now. He is a leach and he will suck you dry as long as you let him. If he actually cared about you, he would be out hoofing, finding a job and sticking to it because people who love you don't want to sponge off of you, they want to support you. He's bad news. He's terrible,” they noted.
“Ask yourself this, when you’re 29-31 are you seriously going to look at teenagers and think “I’d love to date a kid who just got out of high school” I’m 33, I see anyone up to the age of 23 as tall toddlers who can drink. That's about it. 31 and still can’t look after himself,” one person added.
“NTA. In Economics there is a concept called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Basically, in investing all that matters is the value of an asset from this moment in time going forward. Instead, people overvalue things because of what they have invested in that thing in the past. If you have two stocks selling at $5, you should keep the one that is more likely to go up in the future. Instead, people will keep the one they bought at $8, even if it is less likely to go up than the other one, because ‘they want to make their money back’. That is exactly what you appear to be doing here. Nothing you write about your partner makes him sound like someone who is getting their act together in the future. Don’t waste more time and money on him because of what you have spent so far,” another Reddit user said.
“How much do you have left in savings? How did you manage to save over $20K by age 20 when you grew up poor? Are you getting any sort of student aid? And why are you doing this to yourself?” one individual asked.
One comment read, “You are 20 years old? I think you are mistaking his need for you as love for you. The way he leaves you to pay for everything while he flails about? That is not loving behavior - that is needy behavior. He's 31 and barely coping. The things that he is doing are not loving things. Quitting jobs without a plan for the next job, and the way he is relying on you, emotionally and financially, points to a severe lack of maturity...anxiety and depression too. This guy is too big of an assignment for you! You are 20 years old and you have your own life to live.”
This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online
