AITA: Internet backs mom-to-be for refusing to name daughter after husband's late high school crush

A 25-year-old pregnant woman turned to Reddit's popular r/AmItheA**hole forum for advice after she declined her husband's proposal to name their unborn daughter after his deceased high school friend, whom she referred to as "Annie."

In her post, the woman discussed the intricate dynamics between herself, her spouse, and his family, especially his mother, with whom she shared a challenging history.

Tensions rise as husband's late crush overshadows relationship with OP

The original poster (OP), bluebump, described a complex relationship with her 27-year-old husband, largely due to his mother's lingering attachment to Annie, who died during his teenage years.

The mother-in-law frequently compares the OP to Annie, even stating that she was the "second choice" for her son, implying he would not have married her if Annie were still alive. This strain has continued throughout their marriage, with the mother-in-law refusing to acknowledge their first child, a son, as her "real grandbaby," solely because the child is not Annie's.

The OP conveyed that she was in distress, not solely due to the mother-in-law's incessant attention on Annie, but also because she believed that the remembrance of the deceased friend was eclipsing her relationship with her husband.

"It hurts being constantly compared to the woman my husband could have been with," she admitted. The situation escalated into a dispute between the couple, prompting OP to seek some distance by staying at a friend's house with her son to contemplate the matter.

Excitement over baby girl dampened by husband's suggestion to name her after his late crush

The couple's life changed when they discovered they were going to have a baby girl. The OP shared, "We found out two months ago that we were having a baby girl and we were ecstatic! I was worried he'd be one of those boy only fathers, but he almost cried finding out we'd have a girl."

The husband's suggestion slightly overshadowed the moment of joy, even as he was overjoyed at the thought of having a daughter.

The 25-year-old explained, "Our son is also over the moon, constantly talking to his sister and asking for her name...which has become an issue as he recently asked to name our daughter after Annie, which was upsetting especially since his mother is so hung up about them being together."

She added, "We ended up arguing slightly and I'm currently staying with my son at a friend's house."

In her post, the OP questioned whether she was overreacting and sought advice from Redditors on her decision to refuse the name.

She recognized the strain of her mother-in-law's incessant meddling and detailed how she continued to send her messages, even though the couple had severed ties with her since their son's first birthday.

"I just don’t want to feel pressured into a name that I know I’ll regret," wrote the mom-to-be, revealing her deep uncertainty over the situation.

Redditor back OP's decision to decline proposal to name unborn daughter after Annie

The expectant mother's post elicited a strong reaction from Reddit users, with many expressing support for her decision.

One wrote, "NTA completely!!! Oh totally the hubs, and they are RIPPING him a new one over there. OP, I’m sorry you are dealing with this nonsense. Your MIL is a whack job and hubs is just playing into it."

Another said, "He needs to understand that his awful mother ruined the name with her comments and behavior. There is no coming back from that. If his mother had welcomed her into the family with open arms, his wife might have been fine with naming their daughter after his friend."

"NTA…your concerns are completely valid and your husband NEVER should have suggested it. It was a nice idea at 18 to honor Annie but after all these years of his mother behaving the way she has it’s totally inappropriate now, you didn’t do that your husbands mother did," offered a person. 

They added, "MIL turned Annie into competition and someone you and your children will never live up to and that’s awful because I’m sure Annie never would of wanted that! Your husband however needs a long hard look in the mirror and realise his huge mistake. As a side note you need a better mother and friends!"

"Exactly this. NTA. Something is wrong with MIL. Hubs MUST know how she feels about the whole. Whether they were platonic or not, given the issues, it boggles my mind to think he'd want to name their baby after her. Would Annie feel honored to be the root of so much havoc? I'm guessing not. Yuck," one more wrote. 

An individual said, "You need to be more concerned about your own son than your mil’s son. Your son will be emotionally hurt by the fact that grandma hates him because he doesn’t have a different mommy but loves his sister because she carried the name of dad’s gf that grandma loved."

"Emphasis on how baby girl will only be looked at as a memorial. She’s her own girl. Give her that chance," remarked a user. 

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