AITA: Man refuses to consider attractive GF a ‘trophy wife’ but she thinks he views her as old and ‘ugly’

A man, 31, who recently took to Reddit’s 'Am I The A**hole' (AITA) forum, is facing backlash after a heated argument with his girlfriend, 30, about her new attitude toward their relationship, following a conversation about their finances and future.

The OP shared details about their year-long relationship in a Reddit post, seeking advice on whether he crossed the line in a recent conversation.

Man clarifies he doesn’t see girlfriend as a 'trophy wife'

The OP explained, "A bit of background my girlfriend and I are 30 and 31 respectively. We have been dating for about a year. I work as a high-level engineer at a good firm and my girlfriend works as a payroll specialist at a good firm too. I make significantly more than her (3x).Things were good in our relationship until I showed her my retirement/savings."

"She now doesn't see the point of working and has started framing our relationship in that, she is the beautiful one and that I am the nerdy engineer that was lucky to have her. Before, when we met she was all about making it her own way, eventually starting her own company with her sister in sourcing and recruiting. But now she jokes about driving a Range Rover and wearing Lululemon and going to Yoga."

He describes how, after sharing his retirement plans, his girlfriend began joking about living a more laid-back life, buying a luxury car, and doing yoga, all while calling herself his “trophy wife.”

Things escalated when they had a discussion about the concept of her being a trophy wife. The OP told her, "We were having a discussion again about this 'trophy wife' stuff she brought up that I was nerdy back in the day while she was very popular. I told her she is not a trophy wife, that yes she is attractive but its not a huge difference between us."

He recalled telling his girlfriend, "If I had met you when you were 22 and I was my current age, maybe I’d agree, but you’re not 22 anymore."

The girlfriend was devastated by his comment, believing it implied that she was aging and less attractive. She started crying and accused him of thinking she was "ugly", “used up” and no longer in her prime.

"I tried to talk to her but she was in no state for a conversation. I don't know what to say, guys, for me, I just wanted to say that I think we are of similar attractiveness. Like I don't think anyone when they see us turns their head and is like oh she is with him the cause of money? Or damn he is so lucky to be with her. I think it's mutual. She was the one that if anything went after my attractiveness first."

After the emotional exchange, the OP was unsure if he had gone too far. He wanted to remind her that they were equals in their relationship, not defined by attractiveness or wealth, but he ended up unintentionally hurting her feelings.

"What should I do? I like the fact that we both work and I don't want to change that dynamic. And I don't want her to think too that she is above me that I am so lucky to have her. I want her to think of us as equals and in my attempt to do that I hurt her feelings. What's the next move?"

OP gets slammed online for ageist remarks on girlfriend

Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the girlfriend, calling out the OP for making ageist remarks.

One user wrote, “Shes probably pissed about the "maybe if I was my current age and you were 22, but you're not 22 anymore" comment. My girlfriend would be *furious if I said that." 

Another commented, “This is the only way a relationship works. OP says he wants them to be equal, what he should be saying is that they ought to be equally lucky to have each other."

"Exactly! OP essentially said, “You were more attractive than me, but then you got old and you’re not really anymore.” And then he acts surprised that she’s crying," another commented.

Several users agreed that while the OP may have had good intentions, his delivery was insensitive saying, "Exactly! I was with OP up until he said “You’re not 22 anymore.” There is this ridiculous idea that women expire somewhere between 25-27 and comments like this don’t help. Otherwise, I agree he was right in saying that she isn’t above him in the looks department and he isn’t above her for making more money. She needs to come to terms with aging and moving into the next phase of life, and he needs to forget alllllll that “if you were 22” bulls**t."

"And telling her she’d be a better trophy wife if she still looked like she did when she was 22 certainly did not help," another user commented.

One Redditor wrote, "I also want to add that no wonder she said she felt "used up and that her best years were behind her" after op essentially said "you can't be a trophy because you're old now." I'm not surprised at all that she cried about that. Op gotta work on his communication skills."

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online