AITA: Woman calls out pal for badgering her about baby planning despite telling him it’s a touchy subject

A 35-year-old woman recently took to Reddit’s 'Am I The A**hole' (AITA) forum to share that her male friend, Zac, 37, had been pestering her about her pregnancy journey, despite repeatedly asking him not to drag the oversensitive topic.

The original poster (OP) shared her "long, stressful, expensive" pregnancy process with her wife, 33, and explained how her friend Zac is "being really intrusive about our fertility journey," and "he's now not speaking to me after I called him out (again)."

Woman explains how friend Zac is making 'stressful' pregnancy journey worse

Explaining that she and her wife have been "trying for a baby," the OP wrote: "It’s taken us ages to find a donor, and we have done three IUI cycles, none of them have worked. It’s been long, stressful, expensive, and I am not enjoying this process at all."

The OP said her friend Zac has been making things worse. "He never had children on his radar, until talking about it with a newish partner, and getting pregnant naturally on the first go," the OP wrote.

According to the woman, the child is now 18 months old and Zac might be searching for parents with children of a similar age because "most of the people he is friends with have children who are older."

As a result, he has been inquiring about the OP's journey all the time. "I know it’s because he’s excited, but I’ve started avoiding him as it’s so relentless," she shared.

Addressing the stressful situation, the OP added: "We’ll catch up, and sometimes before he asks me how I am, he’ll ask about the baby making. When we finally got a donor, I told him I was keen to stop talking about it, and we’d let him know when we had news."

The OP added how all her efforts to change the subject went in vain. "Several times, I’ve mentioned things that could be ambiguous, which he has jumped on," she wrote.

"I talked about being excited for next year (I’m starting a PhD). He immediately said ‘yeah, how is all the fertility stuff going?!’ I wasn’t even talking about baby stuff, but he made it about baby stuff, yet again," added the distressed OP.

OP 'pulls back' from seeing her nagging friend

As a result, the OP shared that she stopped seeing her friend Zac as frequently as she used to. "I have reminded him I don’t want to talk, but only once," she said.

However, Zac "keeps trying to invite himself over, but these last three months with three IUI fails (one being a likely early miscarriage), I haven’t felt too great."

The OP went on to explain how her friend "mentioned a lunch in town" despite telling him that she "was in back-to-back meetings on the day he suggested it, and then asked how he was doing."

She wrote: "His response was ‘Yeah, doing alright, just haven't seen you in ages! How's the baby making going?’"

Drawing the final straw, the OP wrote: "I was so upset. I said this ‘Still not pregnant, finding it pretty stressful. I’d rather we didn’t talk about it.’ I then sent a follow up message to say ‘I feel unlistened to about this. We’ve talked about how I don’t want to talk about baby stuff before.’"

The OP added that her friend "has not responded" since the incident and asked the Reddit forum whether she is being an a**hole. In summary, she said, "Avoiding my friend because he's being really intrusive about our fertility journey, and he's now not speaking to me after I called him out (again)."

Redditors call OP 'NTA' for setting 'an airtight boundary'

Internet users flocked to the comment section to support the struggling OP with one writing: "NTA honestly I think you still need to be more of an ah and set an airtight boundary. If you still want to be friends with this guy, that is. Every time he brings it up, say the same thing. “I’m not available to discuss this topic with you” (or however you want to word it). Then change the subject. Don’t let him keep taking up space in your brain when you have big stressors in your life!"

A second user called Zac an "insensitive jerk" and wrote, "NTA. Be glad he hasn’t responded and hope it stays that way. This is a not a friendship you need. What an insensitive jerk."

"NTA. Do you have to send an engraved notice for him the stfu about your wife's medical journey?? Yes, it is your journey also BUT she is the one bearing the brunt of treatments. Maybe yoiu can frame it that way, maybe it will get through his thick skull. If he continues to be an a**, put him on a timeout for however long," a third Redditor chimed in.

Another called the OP an 'NTA' while noting, "NTA. Tell him from now on if he brings up fertility you will hang up the phone or leave. Be as blunt as possible: you do not want to talk about this, ever, and he needs to stop. You do not need to explain to him why this bothers you. You don’t need to re-experience traumatic emotions just so that a friend acts like a friend. He doesn’t deserve the pain you would put yourself through on the chance it will be enough to make him feel guilty. You’ve already made clear things are not going well. Don’t give him anything else."

One wrote, "NTA. Do what it takes to make him listen to you, and don't worry too much about whether he likes it or not. Consideration is a two-way street."

"NTA. And I'm so upset for you. 😭 Cheesh, how insensitive is this guy that he doesn't catch a clue? Maybe sending him that message will get through his thick head. I think you have every right to let him know that you're angry and that his asking is hurtful," wrote one.

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