AITA: Woman sparks online debate by refusing to rehome her dog for her fiance’s allergic daughter
Everybody has to make some tough decisions once in life, including choosing a life partner and deciding whether their dog or their partner deserves more love.
A similar situation emerged for a 34-year-old woman who shared with Reddit's 'Am I The A*****e' (AITA) community about how her fiance Tim, 37, was making her choose between his 9-year-old daughter, Emily, and her golden retriever, Max, who has been with the woman for seven years.
To make matters worse, the Original Poster (OP) said in the now-deleted post that Tim's daughter Emily is "severely allergic to dogs" which is "not “take a Benadryl and you’re fine” kind" but "she breaks out in hives and experiences serious breathing issues," as per by Someecards.
Woman reveals her fiance is asking to 'rehome' her dog
Taking to the open forum, the woman shared, "I (34F) have a golden retriever, Max. He’s been with me for seven years, and he’s more than a pet—he’s family."
Sharing details that her fiance and his daughter recently moved in together, the OP wrote: "My fiance, Tim (37M), recently moved in with his 9-year-old daughter, Emily."
"Emily is severely allergic to dogs. Not the “take a Benadryl and you’re fine” kind—she breaks out in hives and experiences serious breathing issues," the OP continued. The OP explained that her fiance knew she had Max from the beginning when they were dating and he "swore it wouldn’t be a problem because they didn’t live with me."
However, the problem has continued to arise since the father-daughter moved in together. "Emily’s allergy flares up every time she’s here, and now Tim is demanding I rehome Max “for her safety," the OP shared.
Explaining her suggestions, the OP wrote: "I’ve suggested every compromise I can think of: keeping Max out of her room, constant deep cleaning, investing in air purifiers, and even boarding Max part-time when Emily is over."
However, none of it was sufficient. "Tim says I need to “put Emily first” and get rid of Max completely. He also made it clear that if I don’t, we might need to rethink the wedding," the woman added.
The Redditor revealed her decision of not "rehoming" her dog: "I told him flat-out that I’m not rehoming Max. I love Tim and Emily, but Max is family, and I’m not dumping him like an old piece of furniture. Tim says I’m selfish and “not ready to be a stepmom.”"
She wrapped her post by writing, "His family has piled on, saying I’m prioritizing a dog over a child, and now I’m the villain of the week. My friends are split—some agree with me, while others think I’m being heartless."
Woman refusing to 'rehome' dog over her fiance sparks debate online
The Reddit community overwhelmingly backed the OP with many users agreeing with her decision of not abandoning her dog as one wrote in part, "NTA - it says a lot to me that he moved in with OP. My guess is he did know how bad her allergies are, but he likes OPs living situation more than his own, and was hoping to strong arm OP to get his way."
A second user called the situation a "red flag" and said, "NTA. I agree with Tim. It is time to rethink the wedding. He is not putting his child first over your dog, he is putting his child first over you. As a father, he is entitled to do that. He is not entitled to the "my way or the highway" act. As a partner, you are free to evaluate if that is the life you want in a marriage. The other way to look at this is to remove the conflict from the picture and look at his actions. He moved in to your home. Now he is unilaterally making demands. That is a red-flag."
"NTA for not giving up the dog, but you guys shouldn’t have moved in together. I don’t see how it would work out. When I started dating my husband, I lived alone with my dog and my cat. I told him we were a package deal. It was all 3 of us, or none of us, because I commit to pets for their whole lives. That worked for me, but my husband didn’t have an allergic child from a previous relationship," added one.
Another chimed in, "Nta absolutely do not give up Max. Your bf is an idiot. He knew about Max and his daughter's allergy before moving in. He did nothing to deal with HIS daughter's problem. He expects you to deal with a problem that is his responsibility. No no no. Is this the relationship you really want where you do all the work and all the compromises. Max is your baby just as his daughter is his. Stand up now or he will dominate you forever."
Other Redditors called the OP "ESH" (entirely a******-ish) and believed that she and her fiance did not consider the "ramifications of the dog and child being in the same house."
One such user wrote, "I'm going to go with ESH Don't get me wrong this is not about wanting to keep the dog, but because you clearly didn't think this through before getting involved with someone whose child is severely allergic. Did you not talk about any of this before getting engaged, let alone moving them into your house? I feel like this would be the first thing you'd have a discussion about when the topic of marriage came up and it seems NEITHER of you considered the ramifications of the dog and child being in the same house."
"ESH. Seriously? You two moved a severely allergic kid into a home you both knew would trigger her allergies. What did you think was going to to happen? That it would somehow work out? This poor little girl deserves better than both of you. Please go ahead and rethink the wedding, neither of you seem capable of taking that step," another added.
"ESH for not working this out before Tim moved when there’s a child involved who has to suffer for it. I completely understand your position on Max, but there’s no way you could have thought it was workable to move Emily in while keeping Max. How in the world did you think you and Tim could get married when his minor child cannot live with you without endangering her health?" wrote one.
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