'AITA for threatening my wife with divorce for wasting her time on the phone instead of doing housework?'

Trouble between husbands and wives is a common issue worldwide, and sometimes, disagreements escalate to the point of divorce. A similar situation recently unfolded with a young couple, just one year apart in age. 

A 33-year-old husband, frustrated by his 32-year-old wife's inconsistency with household chores, reached a breaking point. His mounting frustration led him to threaten divorce, giving her an ultimatum: if things don't change by next month, their marriage may be over.

Husband explains the daily activities of his stay-at-home wife 

The husband, calling himself HopefullShelter3491, shared a post on Reddit on December 16, on the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) forum, and asked whether he was wrong for threatening to divorce his wife for failing to do household chores. The post is titled, "AITAH for threatening to divorce my wife if she didn't become a proper homemaker in the next month?" 

The 33-year-old man started by introducing his wife, "My wife and I have been married for four years. I'm 33 and male, and she's 32. Her name is Steph. Steph is a SAHW, and since we got married, she has been incredibly inconsistent with household labor.”

The post explained the situation, “I work a physically-demanding job, and it would really help if Steph could at least cook dinner more than once or twice a week. Instead, she sits at the dinner table, hunched over her phone for hours a day. She's completely addicted to it, but she refuses to even have a conversation about this." 

He added, "Now, about twice a year, I have an opportunity to visit a foreign country for work. The nature of the work is to supervise construction and instruct the workers there. The compensation for these trips is always fantastic, and Steph is appreciative when I go because I bring home a pretty fat paycheck after." 

Man describes what transpired that led him to consider divorcing his wife

Further, the original poster described a recent situation that led him to consider divorcing his wife, "Three weeks ago, I was about to depart for two weeks on such a trip. At around 10am, I texted Steph and said that time was tight, but I'd be home at 12:30 to pick up my luggage. I asked her if she would make me something for lunch and she agreed to do so. I emphasized that I had about ten minutes to stuff my face and then get to the airport."

He then explained how he had kept her in the loop to confirm plans for lunch, "At 11am, I texted her again, saying I'd be home as planned at 12:30. Again, she said "OK." At 12pm, I texted her saying that I was leaving." 

However, when he returned, he found his wife hunched over the phone, "I walked in the door at exactly 12:30, only to find her sitting at the dinner table, hunched over her phone. When I walked in, she gave me this bewildered look. She had done literally nothing. Nothing was cooking. Steph stood up in a panic and said she'd start making me lunch, but I told her that it was pointless. She sheepishly apologized." 

The 33-year-old husband then expressed his feelings, claiming, "And I responded, "Don't say sorry. Just be less f**king useless." This made her very upset. I just picked up my luggage, left, and went to the airport. I did manage to pick up some food at the airport, but I really would have liked a home-cooked meal before eating out every day for two weeks." 

The man went on to share what transpired after he returned home to find his wife still angry, "I got home last week, and Steph was still angry. She said that what I said to her was over the top. I asked what she had been doing those two weeks, and she insisted that she was "super busy" (see: Instagram and Netflix)." 

He then revealed the ultimatum he gave his wife, stating, "I gave her an ultimatum: that she had one month, until 1/10, to get her s**t together and be a proper homemaker. I told her that if she couldn't, I was going to divorce her. Steph was super upset, and for the past week, she has been sulking (see: Instagram and Netflix). She told her family about it, and her mother basically blamed me for Steph's lack of direction in life." 

The original poster, feeling at a loss for solutions, admitted, "I know it's nonsense that a 32-year-old woman needs to have her hand held to do anything, but was I being ridiculous with my ultimatum?"

Internet gives suggestions to husband after he threatens to divorce his wife

Upon hearing the husband's concerns about his wife not helping with any of the household chores, several internet users quickly shared their comments.

One user wrote, "NTA If you have no children and she is a SAHW, taking care of the household (including shopping and cooking) is her job. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to continue this way." 

Another user said, "NTA, but you unfortunately chose language that will make it very easy for her to paint you as the villain. Calling someone f***ing useless usually doesn’t bode well in your favor. Be wary of how she’ll paint you. You can acknowledge that you didn’t use the best wording, but that your feedback still stands as valid criticism. In a relationship, it takes two partners to show up for each other, and right now, she isn’t showing up for you." 

One user claimed, "I kinda feel like if you’re at the point of divorce ultimatums, just divorce." 

A netizen suggested, "Instead of divorce, why not have her get a job? Use the salary from that to pay for House cleaners." 

A person commented, "NTAH. Bro you make the money dont pay her phone bill next month." 

Someone else chimed in, "And cut off the wifi when he goes to work.🤣"

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