Stephen Colbert mocks Trump’s MRI defense, says 'men in his age group also benefit from retiring'
WASHINGTON, DC: Stephen Colbert didn’t let Donald Trump’s latest health explanation slide, skewering the president after a vague justification surfaced for his recent MRI procedure.
On Monday’s 'Late Show', Colbert joked that Trump might need a different kind of prescription.
Stephen Colbert skewers Trump over MRI scan
Trump insisted it wasn’t a brain MRI because he’d already “aced” a cognitive exam. Colbert reenacted Trump’s defense.
“No, it’s true. It’s true. It wasn’t the brain. I did so well on the cognitive, they put me in the extra credit tube,” he said while mimicking Trump. “Spun that thing around, took off my watch and my ring.”
The comedian also noted the White House’s scramble to back up Trump’s explanation.
“This afternoon they posted a letter from the president’s doctor, who claims the MRI was given, ‘because men in his age group benefit from a thorough evaluation of cardiovascular and abdominal health,’” Colbert noted to viewers. “OK, fair enough. Men in his age group also benefit from retiring. So, can we write that prescription next? Try that," he joked.
Colbert then moved on to Trump’s Thanksgiving message, which he said checked all the usual boxes.
“Trump celebrated Thanksgiving in his traditional way with racism,” he noted. “He posted an anti-immigrant rant that was so long he had to put in a dot, dot, dot, take a breather, and then come back for seconds. Somewhere in all of that nonsense, Trump attacked Minnesota’s immigration policies and called Governor Tim Walz the R-word.”
Colbert lauded Walz’s “succinct” response as the failed vice presidential candidate posted, “Release the MRI results.”
Epstein files fuel more jokes
Colbert also revisited last week’s news that Congress overwhelmingly voted to compel the Justice Department to release all Jeffrey Epstein-related files within 30 days, a move Trump eventually signed off on.
“After months of Trump fighting tooth and cankle to hold back the Republican party from doing the right thing, he just went ahead and gave up and signed the bill to release the Epstein files,” Colbert said, noting this happened a day after the near-unanimous vote.
“Even though Trump told Republicans to all vote for this, he was clearly furious that they did,” Colbert alleged. The signing notably took place off-camera under a White House photo lid.
“He signed it off camera, and he’ll sign anything on camera – executive orders, sneakers, lady parts, wall parts, a toddler,” the late-night host quipped. “Trump is avoiding cameras. That’s like the Pillsbury doughboy avoiding nudity."
Colbert suggested Trump’s behavior hinted at deeper worry.
“More proof that these files are making Trump soil his ample briefs, well, last night he went online to shift blame to Democrats with a full Unabomber-length manifesto,” Colbert said as he scrolled through Trump’s lengthy message. “Imagine, if you got that as a text," he quipped. “Somewhere in that Apple terms and conditions-length screed, Trump tried to claim credit for the thing he desperately fought to stop.”
Trump said, “As everyone knows, I asked Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, and Senate Majority Leader John Thune, to pass this bill … Because of this request, the votes were almost unanimous in favor of passage.”
“So you know, in a way, he won," Colbert remarked with sarcasm. "It reminds me of Julius Caesar’s famous last words: ‘Great job, Brute!’”
