Gene Hackman’s close pal reveals late actor had a difficult childhood: ‘His early days were not good’

SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO: In the wake of Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa’s tragic deaths, those closest to the Hollywood icon are grappling with unanswered questions.

Among them is Doug Lanham, a longtime friend and former business partner, who shared rare insights into the fiercely private man who had a legendary acting career.

Untold stories of Gene Hackman’s past revealed by longtime friend

Gene Hackman, 95, and Betsy Arakawa, 63, were found dead in their New Mexico home on February 26, alongside one of their beloved dogs.

Lanham, 76, who met Hackman in Santa Fe through their shared love of food, remembers the actor as a man who, despite his fame, was down-to-earth, mischievous, and deeply devoted to his wife.

“He was very private,” Lanham told the Daily Mail. "But once the trust was there this door opened and it was magical," he added.

Lanham recounted, "I was sitting there talking with Gene about growing up. His early days were not good. His father got in his car, waved at Gene. Even at a young age he knew he wouldn’t see him again. His mom died in a fire. He shared some things about his mom. And when I talked about my history he was with me all the way."

Lanham and Hackman bonded over their past, with the actor sharing painful memories from his youth, his father walking out on him and his mother’s tragic death in a fire. But beyond the pain, Hackman embraced life with humor and adventure.

Lanham, the founder of Santa Fe's Asian restaurant Jinja Bar & Bistro in 2002, first crossed paths with Hackman in 2004 during a dinner with a mutual friend. Their shared passion for food sparked a connection, leading the Hackmans to invest in Jinja. The partnership lasted for several years until around 2017, when Lanham bought out their share of the business.

Lanham attended the Santa Fe County Sheriff’s press conference on Friday afternoon, wearing dark sunglasses, a cap, a brown animal-hide jacket, and suede boots.

Gene Hackman's friend still 'can’t process' what happened 

Sheriff Adan Mendoza informed reporters that autopsies ruled out carbon monoxide poisoning, a theory initially considered by investigators. The findings also indicated that Hackman’s pacemaker last recorded activity on February 17 nine days before the couple was discovered on the floor of their canyon ranch home’s bathroom and mudroom.

"I just can’t process what took place," Lanham told DailyMail. "We’d all kind of expected it, he’s 95, and in some of the pictures toward the end there he was looking frail but to read and hear what took place, I still have a hard time understanding because they were so dignified and so in love with each other," he said.

Lanham added, "My buddy sent me the picture of Gene with the news of his passing. It was 3am on Thursday. I started reading about the whole thing and I lost it. I’m kind of a mess sometimes."

"I went up to the airport here, flew around in my plane, did a bunch of low-level, high-speed s*** in the mountains back here, just trying to get all this gunk out of my brain," Lanham shared.

He struggled to believe that their deaths involved any intentional act, especially considering their deep love for their three dogs, one of which was found dead near Betsy's body.

Lanham also noted that neither Gene nor Betsy had ever spoken about suicide in his presence. However, he hadn’t seen them since before the Covid-19 pandemic, a period during which Hackman became increasingly reclusive.

"If you knew the love they had for those doggies, they were a huge part of their life," he said adding, "Betsy drove a Land Cruiser. Coming down the highway, all you’d see would be four ears of these huge German Shepherds, and beautiful Betsy behind the wheel."

Lanham recalled that Betsy was adamant about keeping photographers away from Hackman, even at small, private gatherings, and she made sure he stuck to a strict healthy diet though he occasionally found ways to indulge.

"He always ate healthy with her. But then we’d go out and play golf, I’d look over and he’d have this f**king honey bun that was a foot long. It was huge," Lanham said. "I asked, 'Is that the first time you got that?' He shot back, 'No, and don’t you tell her either'," recounted Lanham.

The couple's bond was unshakable, Lanham added. "Betsy was his protector. He shared with me several times, if it wasn’t for Betsy he’d be broke or dead."