'I went to bed alone': Nicole Kidman was 'struggling' after divorce from Tom Cruise amid first Oscar win

'I went to bed alone': Nicole Kidman was 'struggling' after divorce from Tom Cruise amid first Oscar win
Nicole Kidman won an Oscar for 'The Hours' but her personal life with Tom Cruise was at its lowest (Getty Images/ Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic, Inc and Dan Callister/Newsmakers)

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: Nicole Kidman has recently opened up about her struggles when she was at the highest in her professional life but going through hell in her personal life.

The 56-year-old actress won her first Oscar in 2003 for her role in ‘The Hours’ as Virginia Woolf.

‘I was struggling with things in my personal life’

However, around the same time she was dealing with her divorce from her ex Tom Cruise. The former couple had been married from 1990 to 2001.

Actor Tom Cruise and wife actress Nicole Kidman arrive for
Actor Tom Cruise and his wife actress Nicole Kidman arrive for "The Blue Room" play opening party at Pier 60 in New York City on December 13, 1998. (Getty Images)

Kidman revealed to author Dave Karger in his new book ‘50 Oscar Nights’ as per PEOPLE, “I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well.”

She continued further, “I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award.’


 
 
 
 
 
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“I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’  Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’”

‘I wish I could have enjoyed it more’

But ultimately, the ‘Big Little Lies’ star gave up and went to the after-party.

She recalled, “So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.”

Kidman also spoke about the time when she went to bed that night.

Nicole Kidman has opened up about Tom Cruise's divorce (Instagram/ @nicolekidman)
Nicole Kidman has opened up about Tom Cruise's divorce (Instagram/ @nicolekidman)

The mother-of-two said, “I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed.”

“That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours,’” Kidman disclosed, before adding, “I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”

Keith Urban ‘is the best thing that's ever happened to me,’ says Nicole Kidman

The ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ actress’ eventually found love a second time in her current husband, Keith Urban.


 
 
 
 
 
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In 2022, Kidman told Gayle King, “I met him later in life and it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me.”

She added, “That man is the best thing that's ever happened to me.”

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