Maria Shriver details 'brutal' Arnold Schwarzenegger split that left her terrified: 'It broke my spirit'
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: Maria Shriver is reflecting on a difficult chapter in her life.
In her upcoming book, 'I Am Maria', the 69-year-old shares her emotional journey following the end of her marriage to Arnold Schwarzenegger and how it led to a process of self-discovery.
Maria Shriver says Arnold Schwarzenegger's divorce broke her heart, spirit, and 'what was left of me'
Maria Shriver shares four children with Arnold Schwarzenegger: Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt, Christina Schwarzenegger, Patrick Schwarzenegger, and Christopher Schwarzenegger.
She described the divorce as a devastating period. The split came on the heels of another difficult time in her life, following the deaths of her parents, Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Sargent Shriver.
Shriver recalled the impact of her marriage ending, calling it a "devastating, life-altering blow."
She has written, according to excerpts from her book, as reported by People, "My twenty-five-year-long marriage blew up. It broke my heart, it broke my spirit, it broke what was left of me."
"Without my marriage, my parents, a job—the dam of my lifelong capital-D Denial just blew apart," she wrote.
Shriver candidly discussed her emotional state during her divorce from Schwarzenegger, which occurred shortly before he admitted to fathering a child with their household staffer, Mildred 'Patty' Baena.
"I was consumed with grief and wracked with confusion, anger, fear, sadness, and anxiety,” she wrote, adding “I was unsure now of who I was, where I belonged. Honestly, it was brutal, and I was terrified.”
Maria Shriver reflects on self-doubt and healing
Maria Shriver opened up about struggling with feelings of inadequacy due to her place in the Kennedy family.
She described a lifetime of believing, "Maria isn’t enough." During her healing process, she sought guidance from therapists, healers, shamans, and even spent time in a convent.
She found solace in writing poetry, which became a powerful outlet for her emotions.
“I started writing from a deep place within,” she shared, adding “Through my poetry, I’ve found a woman who was terrified of not being able to live up to her family’s legacy—scared of not being big enough, a good-enough daughter, sister, wife, mother, journalist.”
She continued, “I found a woman who had insisted on measuring herself by some impossible standard that guaranteed she’d come up short and feel bad about herself no matter what."
"I found someone who had spent a lifetime avoiding grief. And I also learned that when that lifetime of dissociated grief and trauma is released, it rushes out like a tsunami,” she shared.
Maria Shriver praises her children for the 'courage' they exhibited
Despite her personal struggles, Maria Shriver acknowledged the strength of her children throughout the ordeal.
She noted that even as their world was turned upside down, they remained resilient.
“Everything about their world and the sanctity of their home got uprooted in an instant,” she wrote.
“I do want to take a moment to acknowledge the grace, valor, and courage my children exhibited,” she said.
