Suni Lee opens up about her incurable kidney disease in emotional essay: 'I will never be the same'

SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA: Gymnast Suni Lee is reflecting on the "hardest parts" of living with an incurable kidney disease, all the while trying to become "a stronger Suni than I ever thought I could be."

The 22-year-old Olympic gold medalist, who was diagnosed with two forms of kidney disease in 2023, opened up about how she has overcome the challenges to come to where she is now in an emotional essay for Women’s Health. 

Suni Lee opens up about her mental state upon learning about her condition

In the essay, Suni Lee recalled the moment when she was at her "lowest low" after being told by the doctors that her gymnastics dreams would suffer because of her disease.

"It never occurred to me that it could happen to someone my age or someone as healthy and fit as I was," admitted the gymnast.

She continued, "But in that moment, when everything came crashing down, I also felt my greatest surge of determination," before adding that instead of trembling with fear, she chose to face it directly, as per People.

"I saw the challenge laid out before me, and I faced it head-on," Lee wrote, and added, "I thought to myself, just watch."

Though the gymnast did not go into the specifics of her disease, Lee shared that her disease is uncommon and, unfortunately, still has no cure.

While she faced it bravely, it was not always the same. She admitted that her mind was "racing" initially, and she was "so afraid that I wouldn't be able to compete again."

In the essay, she continued, "It was heart-wrenching not being able to do the thing I loved. Gymnastics is my safe space. Whenever I’m working through anything emotionally, I go to the gym and work it out. It’s my therapy. It’s my sacred place." 

Nevertheless, Lee shared that one of the "hardest" aspects of her disease is "knowing that I will have it for my whole life."

"It will never go away, and I have to face the fact that I will never be the same Suni I was before everything happened," shared the gymnast, who rewrote her own life with the help of sheer determination.

However, it was not an easy path as there often were days when she would "leave the gym in anger" and felt "determined to quit."

Her dreams continued to fuel her inner fire, as she wrote in the essay, "But then I thought about little Suni and the big dreams she had. And I knew I couldn't let that little girl and her big dreams down. So I kept pushing, kept putting one foot in front of the other — every day a little stronger, every day doing my best and nothing more or less."

While the athlete announced in 2023 that she was ending her college career because of the disease, she was later able to compete at the 2024 Paris Olympics, where she won one gold and two bronzes. Nevertheless, she revealed that following her major feat, she is now taking it slow.

Lee wrote, "These days, I'm taking some time for myself, without the pressure of a huge goal, for the first time in my life," and revealed that she is now even "exploring new passions, like fashion and acting."

The 22-year-old, who is an ambassador for the advocacy group American Kidney Fund, concluded by saying that now she knows that she'll "never be the Suni I was before—because I am a stronger Suni than I ever thought I could be."

Suni Lee gained 40 pounds due to kidney disease

Speaking to SELF Magazine last year, Suni Lee opened up about the symptoms that ultimately led to her being diagnosed with two kidney diseases. 

She recalled that in February 2023, she woke up one day with swollen ankles. While she initially blamed it on her training routine, the athlete got afraid when the rest of her body started swelling as well. 

"I just kept getting more swollen…and I think I gained, like, 40 pounds," Lee shared with the magazine, before adding, "I kept peeling off the bar. I couldn’t hold on. My fingers were so swollen."

"How do I just randomly wake up one day swollen, and now I’m stuck with this condition for the rest of my life?" she further shared. 

In an interview with Elle, Lee said, "That was probably the hardest couple of months. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to do it."