Allison Holker recalls 'scary' moment discovering Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' drug use before his funeral
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: Allison Holker, wife of the late Stephen "tWitch" Boss, has revealed the deeply emotional and shocking moments following his death by suicide in December 2022.
In a candid interview with People, Holker shared that she discovered a "cornucopia" of drugs, including mushrooms and pills, hidden in shoeboxes while preparing for her husband's funeral.
Allison Holker says she had 'no clue' about Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' struggles
The discovery of drugs painted a picture of a hidden struggle that Allison Holker had never fully understood during their life together.
“It was a really triggering moment for me,” said Holker, adding, “There were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed."
"It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about],” the 36-year-old added.
Holker explained that this revelation was both frightening and clarifying, allowing her to process the extent of Boss’ pain.
“It helped me understand that he was hiding so much and must have been dealing with a lot of shame,” she shared. "It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out," said Holker.
Allison Holker on piecing together a hidden battle
Allison Holker, who is set to release her memoir 'This Far' on February 4, delved deeper into Stephen "tWitch" Boss’ mental health struggles through his journals and personal belongings.
In his writings, Boss hinted at childhood trauma, including abuse by a male figure.
These revelations provided insight into his attempts to self-medicate and mask his pain. “He was wrestling with a lot inside himself,” she said of Boss.
“Reading Stephen’s journals, and even going back into the books he had read, gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with,” she added.
Holker described how Boss would use their guesthouse as a retreat for “alone time,” where he would smoke or drink to recharge.
While they had open communication about his marijuana use, she was unaware of the deeper struggles he was masking.
Allison Holker opens up on Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' signs of distress
In the months leading up to his death, Allison Holker noticed changes in Stephen "tWitch" Boss’ behavior.
He began showering less frequently and was smoking more often, both in the morning and at night.
These signs, coupled with the impending end of his tenure on 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show', hinted at internal turmoil that Holker was unable to fully comprehend at the time.
“When I thought about my husband, I would think, ‘Oh, I love that tWitch is such a great performer, but then when he comes home he feels safe enough to be Stephen,’” she said.
“It’s a beautiful thing that he could be both,” she shared.
Allison Holker's mission to help others
Allison Holker now wants to use her platform and story to encourage others to seek help and break free from the shadows of her and Stephen "tWitch" Boss’ struggles.
Reflecting on her husband’s pain, she expressed hope that sharing his story will inspire others to address their traumas.
“It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face [his trauma],” she said, adding, “I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be okay."
Holker, who shares three children with Boss, Weslie, 16, Maddox, eight, and Zaia, five, emphasized the importance of creating awareness around mental health and addiction issues.
