'AITA for not adding my husband’s name to gifts I purchased on my own for family and friends?'

When it comes to the holidays, there’s no shortage of stress—especially when you’re juggling shopping, wrapping, and family plans while being six months pregnant.

But for one woman, the holiday season brought a lot more than that; it sparked a full-blown debate over whether her husband deserved credit for gifts he didn’t lift a finger to help with.

Taking to Reddit’s legendary “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum, the original poster (OP) shared her dilemma in a post titled, “AITA for not putting my husband’s name on gifts I bought on my own?”

OP talks about eight years of one-sided gifting

In her post, the OP explained that she and her husband of three years — together since their late teens — initially bought Christmas gifts separately. But as their relationship grew serious, they began signing presents as a team.

"I (27f) have been married to my husband (29m) for 3 years and we've been together since we were 18 and 19," she wrote. "The first 2 years we had been together when we were still pretty young and our relationship was new, we bought Christmas gifts separately (except in some rare cases). But when we got pretty serious, we started making gifts from the both of us to other people."

But then John stopped contributing.

"Since then, he has not once helped me buy the gifts. That includes gifts for my family, our friends, but even gifts for his family," OP explained. "Occasionally, he would give me some ideas as to what the person would want, but that was still pretty rare and the ideas he gave were most of the time very vague. And even when he gave me ideas, I was the one that bought the gifts and went Christmas shopping alone."

"I was fine with it at the beginning as I really enjoyed gift-giving and finding the perfect ideas for everyone, but it's been 8 years of this and it's getting pretty exhausting. I've also evolved in my career since we got together, and now have way less free time to spend buying gifts," she insisted.

Last year, she reached her breaking point. Despite asking her husband to handle half the gifts, he only bought one—and forgot his sister and mother until the day before Christmas, forcing OP to scramble last-minute. This year, she laid down the law: help out or get no credit.

"So last year I asked before the holiday season if he could help this year and we'd each buy some of the presents. Out of maybe 20 people we bought gifts for, he bought only one. And he told me that he would 'take care of it' until the very last minute but eventually forgot, so I had to buy his sister and mother a present less than 24 hours before Christmas. After that, I told him that I now expected help because this could not happen again as it was mentally and physically exhausting for me," the OP wrote.

Fast-forward to this year’s holiday rush. Pregnant and exhausted, OP spent seven hours at the mall shopping for both their families. When she called her husband for input, his responses ranged from “I don’t know” to “whatever.”

She wrote, "I'm 6 months pregnant so this was extremely exhausting. When I got home I was angry and tired and while wrapping the presents I decided that since he didn't help at all I wouldn't put his name on the presents. Usually, we write something like 'from Mary and John' (not our real names), but I just wrote 'from Mary.'"

When her husband noticed, he was livid.

"Today as we were packing all the gifts in the car to go to his parents's house he noticed that his name wasn't on it. I explained it to him and said that he didn't help so he didn't get credit for what I bought. He keeps saying that it's unfair and that I'm gonna make him look bad and asks that I change it. I don't know if I should," the OP wrote.

"Maybe this is petty but I don't know what else to do. I've asked for help many times and I'm just afraid he's never going to change. Should I put his name? Am I mean for this? How can I make him understand how much I need help?" she asked.

Reddit users weigh in on OP's dilemma

Top commenters on Reddit offered their various takes, with the consensus being that OP wasn't in the wrong.

"NTA, I just wouldn't buy them. Make sure your family is sorted and let him explain it to his," one Redditor posted.

"NTA He's acting like a child, and you're acting like his mom. A mom takes a kid to the mall last minute to shop for gifts. The mom decides what gifts to buy. The mom wraps the gifts. The mom then writes the child's name on the gift. Stop treating him like a child, and let him suffer the consequences of his own actions like a grown man. The humiliation should get him sooner or later, and unlike the gifts, only his name belongs on the guilt. Not yours," another offered.

"NTA. OMG! Your 6 months pregnant and he's leaving all the work and stress of buying presents to you! Leave his name off, and if anyone mentions it tell them exactly why. Let's see what his family have to say about leaving all that to the 6-months pregnant mother of his child," someone else added.

"NTA. Maybe being embarrassed in front of his family when they question why his name isn't on the gifts (please, if they ask, tell them the truth before he can chip in and make something up that will make him sound like the victim) is just the kick up the backside he needs to stop being lazy and expecting you to run around after him," read a comment.

"NTA- he should be embarrassed...It’s not even about actually giving a gift, it’s about how these men can’t seem to put effort into anyone or anything else that doesn’t interest them. My husband has no problem spending time and effort doing things that benefit him but has no time to do things for others and I’m sick of it," another chimed in.

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